Please enjoy the music

charlie-brown-gradle
Oh, Gradle. You continue to be full of empty promises.

Every time my hope for you begins to rise, you once again fail me with your inadequately executed potential. It’s always in the fine print. Statements like

Future versions of Gradle will remove this restriction

are interlaced with any number of other excuses as to why your deficiencies are justified, or somebody else’s problem to solve, or that some incubating dead-end is political rhetoric enough to convince me that you are a swell technology still worth embracing. It’s tough when the head lemming lays claim to a bright future, yet fails to recognize that the rocks below are getting larger by the moment.

For context, you first take the red pill — then read the “Revolutionary new Gradle Features on the 2014 Roadmap” thread in which the Gradle founder points towards the nebula-publishing-plugin as some sort of reasonable in-progress lifecycle solution to accommodate some acknowledged holes in Gradle’s simple artifact publishing capabilities. But don’t take my words, take his:

The community is also adding valuable tools in this area, see the https://github.com/nebula-plugins/nebula-publishing-plugin which deals with Maven snapshots when publishing. As you said, eventually we want to have a core, coherent, full development lifecycle solution for this. No question.

But his very next statement begins the crux upon which my hopes and dreams are (again) crushed:

Whether this is THE most important thing to do is not as easy to answer.

Because then, as if a politician, he begins to dance, circumventing ownership of the chasm of unimplemented shame. Read it closely. It’s basically like calling 911, and then being put on hold. “Your call is important to us. Please enjoy the music.”

The well-worded response is punctuated with my absolute favorite sentence, right before the punt:

In the meantime, if you can spec out your requirements in more detail, that would be much appreciated input.

It’s the equivalent of saying that they will “take [it] under advisement“.

And really, what’s there to spec? Do they really need someone to provide new words to describe what Maven already does exceedingly simply and well?

Admittedly, at first read, I eagerly clicked on the link to the nebula-publishing-plugin with great hope. Maybe it does fulfill my “oh-so-lofty” expectations.  But I have yet to find a decent example of its usage.  Honestly, there is no sense in me ranting any further, point by painful point. You can decide for yourself how big of an idiot I am for spitting out the Gradle Kool-Aid. And please, continue enjoying the music.

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